"So-Called Family System"

 

We have often heard people claim that feminism is destroying our family system and values, and it is a Western agenda, a tool of propaganda designed to strip our women of their modesty. We are constantly rage-baited into believing that, as more women become educated, divorce rates rise, and that educated women have no understanding of family values.

But here is the uncomfortable reality, one we would rather dodge over chai and platitudes, independent women are not destroying our family system. Violent, entitled, and abusive men are." The truth is, some of the greatest threats to the family system sit right inside our own homes, homes that look perfectly calm and complete from the outside but are misogynistic and violent from the inside.

According to the UNFPA, in Pakistan, 28% of women aged between 15–49 experience physical violence, and around 6% experience sexual violence. 34% of married women face physical, sexual, or emotional violence by their husbands and almost 5% experience spousal sexual violence. Around 56% of women who have experienced any form of physical or sexual violence have never sought help or even spoken to anyone about it.

Let that sink in. Nearly 1 in 3 women is subjected to violence by her husband and these are only the reported cases. How many more never report because they don't even recognise abuse by a husband or in-laws as a crime? Or because they have no means to raise their voice? My guess? Somewhere between 70 to 80% of women have faced some form of abuse from those closest to them.

Tell me, does this behaviour toward women not corrupt our family system?

Ironically, many of those wringing their hands over rising divorce rates refuse to acknowledge the role, that abuse plays in marital breakdown. No, not every divorce is caused by violence, but plenty are. In those cases, violence had already shattered the family long before the legal paperwork was signed.

The debate should never be framed as a choice between preserving family values and protecting women. These two goals are not at war. In fact, they depend on each other. A family cannot be strong when one of its members lives in fear. Respect, justice, compassion, and mutual responsibility are not threats to the family system, they are its very foundation.

It seems like our sons are still trapped in the 1980s, wanting a woman just like their mothers were, submissive, silent, sacrificial and un-opinionated. Meanwhile, our daughters have evolved to 2026, because they refuse to live a life like their mothers.